The truth is, insults can hurt, but some people seem to shrug them off like drops of rain from their verbal gortex jacket. Others may struggle with even the slightest insult, but why do some handle it so well?
Daniel MacDougall
How do we develop conversation principles so no one can hurt us?
It may feel like we live in a world surrounded by hate and conflict. Internet and social media algorithms will fill our screens with the negativity of life if that is what we search for, and in some aspects, so is the operation of the mind.
Marcus Aurelius once stated, "The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts." How do we maintain this inner happiness when someone is disrespecting or insulting us?
Here are the teachings of Stoicism to aid in how we react to negative social situations.
Maintain A Solid Form of Equanimity
The words said to you are not inherently harmful, but your interpretation of them that bring us harm. Epictetus articulated, "People are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of them."
When someone verbally attacks, this can be a reflection of their feelings and opinions about themselves. This is not the true meaning of your value or worth. It is pivotal to recognize the words directed at you possess no control over you. Remember, you cannot control the emotions and words of others. Your reactions and feelings are under your control. When you find yourself being verbally bullied or insulted remember to breathe. Calm yourself, and do not get swept away by your strong currents of emotions.
Engage in Self-reflection
Carl Jung once said, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
The quality of our thoughts and emotions shapes and guides our emotional trajectory when confronted. Introspective thought assesses the veracity of the people criticizing your life. This helps to see the alignment of what others say with our actions. Not every nasty thing said to us requires deep contemplation, but self-reflection is to improve your morals and opinions. Are your actions and words in alignment with your virtuous self? Practicing self-reflection cultivates responses grounded in your rational judgment, letting you go from the whims of fleeting emotions.
"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens."
- Carl Jung
Develop Empathy
Epictetus stated, "Seek not the good in external things, seek it in yourselves." There is a strong interconnectedness in humanity. When you begin this insight, a greater understanding lies in front of you. Embracing empathy as your guiding principle - even when faced with insults - enables you to transcend conflicts by cultivating a deeper understanding. What are the motivations and life situations of the ones who attack?
Empathy helps you see your social interactions from a different angle. Their insults may be the cause of their insecurities, frustrations, and ignorance.
By empathizing with the person insulting you, you may begin to respond more respectfully and powerfully. Your words and emotions contain power within. Practice this by brushing away animosity in favor of compassionate and constructive understanding.
This way, you control the conflict and maintain dignity in the face of adversity. Empathy helps you control the situation and slowly peel back the layers behind their words and insults. Your responses will foster a positive social environment conducive to mutual respect.
The Use Of Humor
Seneca once said, "No one becomes a laughing stock who laughs at himself."
A little laughter can go a long way and is exceptionally good at breaking down confrontation. Seneca also stated, "You have mastered yourself when you know how to deal with what you should not take seriously."
There is value in humor when coping with difficult situations. Humor is a great way to deflect incoming insults and show the world how little you care regarding negativity from others. When others are voicing their inner insecurities upon you, your humor shows the irrationality in their actions.
A little humor is like wetting the wick on a bomb. Your playfulness towards insults should not be used in excess when someone disrespects you, but harnessed as a technique to ground the situation. It lets others pause and reflect.
"If evil be said of thee, and if it be true, correct thyself; if it be a lie, laugh at it."
- Epictetus
When someone insults you, you do not have to take it lying down or avoid social situations, but approach situations with calm and inner understanding. Your reactions are a testament to how you handle the world. Face these situations with your posture relaxed and your voice calm. You can set clear boundaries this way to create inner dignity and self-respect.
Remember to pause, breathe, relax, and be yourself.
Weekly Side Quest:
Think of the times someone insulted or disrespected you. How did you react? Contemplate if you followed your morals and values. Then set-up a game plan for the next time your in this situation. Not of what your going to say, but how your going to control your response.
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Author's note: none of the writing was generated or made by AI. Our mission is provide a human touch to our journeys together. Thankyou always, Daniel MacDougall…